Days Numbered
by Joy1
Summary: Buffy and Spike have reached a happy medium of caring for Dawn and protecting the Hellmouth. Spike is getting more tense and shutting Buffy out. But the question is why? B/S Takes place after Reality. Don't need to have read it.
1. Troubles

Title: Troubles

Name: Joy        

Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com

A/N: Picks up after Reality. BUT… this isn't a continuation of the story. The Buffy / Spike/ Dawn triangle is done. This is very much a Buffy/Spike piece….ANGST and Romance.

            "I'm going to kill him!" Buffy shouted as she was about to storm down to the stairs to the basement.

            "Buffy!" Dawn yelled blocking the door. "Don't! Please… He's already a basket case. Let him be until he calms down."

            "You're not in this!"

            "Like hell, I'm not!" the younger Summers she snapped. "You two have been at each other's throats for the last week. I'm sorry you're tired of waiting for him but get over it."

            "He had no right to bust up my dinner!" Buffy fumed.

            "Are you high? You've been telling Spike how much you love him and that you'll wait for him but then you go on a date!" 

            "It wasn't a date!" the slayer snapped.

            "Guy eating partner, picked you up at the house, you went alone, and he paid… that sounds like a date to me!" Dawn said sarcastically. "Don't bitch at him cause you blew it… AGAIN! I don't even know why I trusted you with him… Now you aren't going anywhere near him."

            Buffy stood shocked. She breathed out, "It wasn't at date… And even if it was he had no right to follow me and interrupt my dinner to find out what was going on."

            "Did he make a scene?" Dawn asked flatly. "Did _your date_ have any idea that it was anything other then a friend needing to know something?" Buffy looked at the floor. "That's what I thought…" the teenager said through gritted teeth. "Get away from the door and don't attempt to talk to him for a while… Just stay away."

            "Dawn," Buffy said softly.

            "Until you can give me an explanation for tonight…don't talk to me either." Dawn went down the stairs and locked the door. 

Buffy leaned against the door and slid down it. "I was trying to get him a job he would like," she said softly.

Dawn found Spike pacing his bedroom with his cellular phone in his hand. "I'm sorry Charlie… Yeah… Thanks for the extension."

"What was that?" Dawn asked.

"Extension for my article for the paper… A little to homicidal to do anything," he said unsteadily. "Where are those anti-anxiety meds?"

Dawn had gotten Spike to see a shrink… The shrink was actually for the demon community. The doctor got vamped and the demon that set up shop in his skin was pretty mild demon so he just sort of switch cliental. 

It was quite ironic… He had a client that thought she was a vampire. When he wouldn't believe her, she turned him. Needless to say they had a better working relationship after that. 

Spike's attempt to live like a human in the doctor's opinion wasn't a wise one for his sanity. But since it was what Spike wanted, the doc had prescribed some medication to help Spike deal. 

"Call Sam," Dawn instructed.

"Past business hours and he'll just tell me to move out again."

"Spike." They sat in silence for a moment before Spike called his doctor. 

Dawn stormed upstairs to find Buffy crying on the kitchen floor. "He's taking his meds and calling Dr. Stadder. I hope you're happy," Dawn snapped.

"I was trying to get him a better writing job," Buffy sniffled. "He was so unhappy at the paper…I got a bunch of his stories together and met with an editor of a magazine. He could only meet at night… that's why I was being sneaky. I wanted it to be a surprise. I guess I should just face the fact in this family surprises are about as welcome as an apocalypse."

Dawn sighed and dragged her sister to her feet. "Where are we going?" the slayer groaned.

"To fix this before once again Sam tells Spike to leave us," the teen stated.

Spike had his phone yanked, Buffy thrust in his room and a pissed teen looking at him. "Alright children. Playtime is over… I don't know what was going on with you this week but I know what happened tonight so I will tell you to clear the air."

Spike and Buffy sat down on the bed. "Buffy had a meeting with a magazine editor to try to get you a better job, Spike. Spike was all set to tell you that he had been offered a job at a magazine and that is why he was so hurt when you cancelled your plans…. Now fix it. Talk. Kiss. Whatever. But fix it." Dawn left her pseudo parents to work out their differences. 

There was a long period of silence. "I'm sorry… I should have told you about tonight," Buffy said quietly. "I just wanted it to be a surprise."

"I should have been more trusting," Spike whispered.

There was more silence. "You got the job…that's great. We…We could still go out to celebrate," the slayer said biting her lip. 

"Thanks pet but no… I…"

"Tell me what's going on please… for the last week things have been weird and I don't know why," she stated bringing her hand to his to hold it. 

Spike stood up and went to the window. "Let's forget about tonight and got out tomorrow… I just feel like being alone."

"You're closing yourself off again… Is Sam getting to you?"

The vampire sighed, "No… While we were talking tonight we reached an understanding. He won't be telling me to leave anymore."

"Then what is it?" Buffy asked. "You and Dawn are fine. Work is better. The sibling formation project of you and Tara seems to be a rousing success. I'm the only one you're pulling away from… I can't even touch you even a little anymore without you acting like I have leprosy."

Spike continued to stare out at the night sky. "It's hard ya know… to be close sometimes. Right now is one of those times… I promise it will get better."

"How can you be so sure? How do you know that when its over you just won't want to be near me at all?" Buffy asked in a whisper. The vampire turned around and she noticed for the first time how tired he looked. "Spike, are you sick?" she asked rising to her feet. 

He let her touch his face with concern. "I love you," he whispered.

She got scared, "I love you too…now tell me what's wrong!"

"It hurts." His voice was a whisper.

"What hurts?"

"Us."

Buffy pulled back like she had been struck. Her brow furrowed together. "What did I do Spike? We were doing so well… We were dating…slowly… I thought we were happy."

Spike wrinkled his brow, "You haven't done anything luv." He kissed her forehead and pulled her to himself. 

"Then why am I at arms length?" 

Dawn came down the stairs suddenly. "Spike… Buffy, can I talk to him alone?"

"Sure," the slayer said confusedly. 

When Buffy was up the stairs Dawn looked at Spike and he broke down. She hugged him. "I didn't realize…if I had…" Spike just held her tighter. "Talk to her Spike. She'll understand."

"I just need to get through this."

"Let her help."

Spike shook his head. "She's faced so much…why remind her."

"Because you're losing it, holding all this stuff inside… The demon gets stronger when you do that," Dawn stated. 

They faced off for a minute, Spike's tension rising. "Ask her to spend tomorrow with you… 6 pm to 6 pm," Dawn insisted. 

Spike ground his teeth. "I need to kill something!" he announced and without another word left the house.

"Where the hell is he going?" Buffy asked.

"To kill something… Go after him… And if he asks to spend time with you in the next two days, don't say no," Dawn stated simply.

Spike had killed two fledging vampires by the time Buffy arrived at the cemetery. It was raw power and hatred he was using. There was no duty in the fight. All Spike was out for was a large 'spot of violence'. Buffy just watched. These were the nights the demon had to be appeased. Spike was a vampire tonight… a killer. She had those nights too. 

After two more dustings and major hand to hand combat, Spike was panting and somewhat exhausted. He turned and saw her standing. Spike wanted to hide. He didn't look at her when he said; "I'm going to stay at my crypt tonight."

"No… You're coming home where you belong, even if you have to be totally drunk to be there. You will not be staying in the crypt," Buffy announced. 

He ground his teeth working his jaw several times glaring at her. 

"Dawn suggested we spend some time together in the next few days… I'd be up for it… name the time and I'm there," Buffy said clearly.

"I… Fine…" he growled. "You stay with me from six pm tomorrow night until six pm the next."

Buffy looked at him weirdly. "Sure… Come on… Lets go home."

Spike grabbed her by the shoulders, "I mean it.  Every minute of that period with me… No shower alone, no sleeping alone. Just with me."

Now Buffy was concerned. "Are you dying or something?"

His tension melted away because he had to laugh at the thought. "No pet… No I'm not." He sighed and closed his eyes. "Just promise me."

"You've got me," she stated. 

"Okay… Home we go."

"I'm going to understand what this is all about tomorrow right?" Buffy snipped.

"Yes sweetness you will."

"Okay then."

TBC…  
            


	2. Day long date

Title: Day long date

Name: Joy        

Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com

            Buffy started to pace in her kitchen as her sister just stared at her. "Do you know what's going on?" she questioned Dawn.

            She smiled, "Just wait."

            "You do know!" Buffy stalked over to her sister. "Is he sick? Is he trying to protect me from something?"

            Dawn looked her sister in the eye and said, "You remember last week when I started to freak because Gunn told me he was falling for me?" Buffy nodded. "What did you say?"

            "Not the same!"

            "But what did you say?" Dawn insisted.

            "There is no point getting scared of what might be…the future just comes and you deal with it as it comes," Buffy recited. 

            "Right… Now relax… If anyone should be nervous it's Spike." Dawn turned to her confused sister. "He's the one that's been keeping you at arms length and now he's shot himself in the foot… You'll be eating with him, hanging with him, talking with him, and the thing he's freaking the most about, sleeping next to him." Buffy stared at her sister. "I'm betting with in the first five hours Spike is going to lose it… tears will definitely be in effect."

            "What the Hell!" Buffy swore not understanding any of this.

            Three minutes before six Spike ran up the stairs and out the back door. "What was that?" the slayer asked.

            "Picking you up…like a date," Dawn replied.

            "A day long date?"

            "Basically."

            "Should I be scared?" Buffy asked.

            "Maybe… After this day is done, if you weren't really in love with Spike…you will be."

            "You sound way too confident."

            Dawn smiled, "Benefit of having the inside scoop."

            The front doorbell rang, starling Buffy. "It's the guy from the basement… Ready to face him?" 

            "No," Buffy said scared.

            "Yeah you are," Dawn assured and pushed her sister to the door.

            Buffy opened the door cautiously with shy eyes. Spike looked at her and handed her a bunch of wild flowers tied together with a ribbon. "Thank you… they're beautiful."

            "So are you," he said seriously. 

            Dawn approached her blushing sister, "I'll put those in water. You two have fun."

            Suddenly Buffy felt Spike take her hand and tug her outside. "Ready to go pet."

            "Sure… Where we off to?" she asked simply. 

            "Fun," he responded.

            The Desoto pulled up to a near by amusement park. The lights flashed brilliantly as a small smile crept over Buffy's face. Spike opened her door and led her through the noisy children and gamers. He was quiet…very quiet, but she didn't object. 

            Spike steered them to a merry-go-around with painted horses and spinning cherubs. Buffy's face was all lit up with child like joy over the evening's entertainment. "Up you go love," he said as she admired one horse in particular. 

            "No…that's okay," she said.

            "Please."

            "Only if you ride next to me," Buffy said sweetly.

            Spike smiled softly, "Okay."

            Buffy and Spike both climbed on their horses to the amusement of several parents. Buffy half giggled at the silliness of their actions. Spike however just sat sideways and watched Buffy's face full of joy. "I love merry-go-arounds," she said over the loud music.

            "I know," he called back. They stared at one another for a minute. 

            "Mommy? Are they going to kiss?" a little boy sitting behind Buffy asked.

            The couple was brought back to reality. Spike turned to the kid and said with a smile, "Not right now… Maybe later though, when there isn't an audience." The child's mother laughed as Buffy blushed. 

            The ride ended and Spike helped Buffy down pulling her close to him. "Where now pet? Bumper cars? Ferris Wheel?"

            "Roller coaster," she said tugging him along. 

            They stood in a very long line waiting to get on a 'death trap' according to Spike. "Look at this," he pointed to the warning sign. "Can't ride on it if you're short, pregnant or have a pace maker…All reasons to think it isn't safe."

            "You asked what I wanted to do," she countered.

            "If you said jump off a skyscraper I would be pitching a fit too," he retorted. 

            Buffy leaned up and kissed Spike lightly on the mouth. "I've done enough nose drives off tall structures don't you think?" she said flippantly. Spike's whole body went rigid. "I was joking," she soothed. 

            "Please don't," he said in a broken voice. His big watering eyes found hers, "Please don't joke about that."

            "Okay," she whispered and drew Spike into a hug. He clutched her for all she was worth. "I'm not going anywhere Spike… I won't disappear."

            He pulled back and rubbed her face with his thumb. "Not while I'm here…not again."

            "Don't do that… It wasn't your fault."

            Spike was about to cry but he growled instead. "I can't talk to you about this now."

            "We need to talk about it some time," Buffy insisted.

            "Not in line for a roller coaster."

            "Okay…" 

The line started moving again which was fine with Spike who could no longer look at Buffy. He completely shut off all emotion until they were through with the ride. Buffy attempted to talk about light non-threatening topics but Spike just couldn't do small talk. Eventually he said he was going to take a smoke break and left her sitting at the calliope. 

Standing alone in a side alley Spike battled his demon. His demon face came forth and receded several times before he could be around humans again. "Sorry luv," he said sitting down next to Buffy smiling completely repressing all the emotions just below the surface. 

"It's okay," she said quietly noting the lack of tobacco smell around him. She'd confront him about it after they left. 

"Ferris Wheel?" he ventured.

After cotton candy, popcorn, and corndogs Buffy was ready to leave. "Come on Spike… Time to go home… Too much food," she stated.

"Nope… Next stop…" he insisted with a smile. "But we have to get our costumes and props."

"Costumes?" Spike nodded. "What do I have to wear?" she asked.

"White bra, white slip, and a little yellow raincoat," he said with a smirk.

"Really?" she said raising her eyebrows. "What will you be wearing?"

"Well… That's kind of your choice."

"Why?"

"Conservative or out there," Spike said simply.

"How far out there is out there?" Buffy questioned.

"Well your costume is pretty conservative on that scale."

"I'm scared now so you're going conservative as well."

"Right then…off we go."

Spike and Buffy showed up at this tiny little shop in town that was obviously not human owned. "Lois," Spike called.

"Spike… did you decided which you wanted?" this little old woman said from a side room. 

"Yeah… The suit."

"Suit… I get bra and slip while you get a suit," Buffy said flabbergasted.

The old woman smiled at her, "Virgin. I should have guessed."

"What?" the slayer said confusedly. 

"Quiet pet or you'll really embarrass yourself… After we're dressed I'll show you the other costume." Lois continued to laugh.

Buffy changed into her outfit buttoning the raincoat. "This is some cheap thrill for you isn't it Spike?" she called. 

"Come on Buffy… A little faith." 

She came out of the dressing room to see Spike in a black suit with a white vest and no shirt, with white wing tip shoes. "Okay now I want to see the other outfit," she said folding her arms over her chest. 

Spike roguishly smiled as he pulled out the black corset and fish net stockings from behind his back. "You're right I never would have worn that in public," she insisted.

Lois really started to laugh at Buffy then. "Virgin!"

"Why does she keep saying that?" the slayer fussed.

Spike couldn't keep a straight face as he said, "Because luv, this was my other outfit…not yours."

Buffy's jaw dropped. "Where the hell are you taking me?"

"You'll see…now put these in your pockets," he stated.

"Why am I putting bread in my pockets?"

"Not bread Buffy…Toast!" Spike said with a smile.

"You are a terrifying individual," she fumed.

"But you love me… Now lets go. Have to be there by Midnight. Otherwise we'll be stuck standing with the whackos," he said taking her hand. 

"Whackos?" she said stopping in her tracks.

"If we're seated I can shield you from the Virgin torture… If we're standing it will be obvious so trust me, we want seats."

"You are going to pay for this," Buffy growled. 

"Now, now… It will be fun. I promise…" getting her back in the car. "We'll have a blast." Spike had one of his genuine smiles so all she could do was trust him as they drove into the night.

TBC…

A/N: What are Buffy and Spike going to see? Put answers in the reviews. 


	3. Toast

Title: Toast!

Name: Joy        

Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com

A/N: Sorry about the lack of posting. My weekend was full of migraines. Nothing like being shrouded in complete darkness, feeling like you were going to throw up at all times, and praying someone would drive an ice pick through your eye to kill that annoying part of your brain that has decided that not only you are the enemy but you must be tortured as well. 

            Buffy stood with Spike in a large group of people dressed equally as weird as they were. "Okay… Can't you tell me what we're doing?" she whispered to her.

            His smile was great. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and drew her in for a small kiss. "If you don't know by now what's the point in telling you… We did Vanilla earlier tonight… Now trust me. I won't let anything happen to you okay… This is just an experience like none other. Once you relax, I think you'll enjoy it… Kind of like kitten poker."

            "Now I'm really scared."

            "Shhh…" He suddenly reached in his pocket and handed her a deck of cards. "Okay…I'll hand you things during tonight's performance…just do what everyone else does."

            "Why a deck of cards?"

            "You'll see…"

            Spike and Buffy filed into what seemed like the grimiest movie theatre Buffy had ever seen. It was sort of set up like a school auditorium, with a screen but a little bit of stage in front. They sat in the middle of a middle row. "What? We need the middle for viewing pleasure?" she commented. 

            "No… We'll be surrounded on all sides so when the other people in here realize you've never been here before you won't be dragged up on stage," he said quietly.

            "What is this?"

            "Your first interactive movie," he answered slyly. "Now take this."

            "Why do I need a water pistol?" Buffy asked.

            "For the interaction!"

            The room was packed out, almost everyone in costume. The lights went down and the movie started to many whoops and howlers. The audience erupted into a fit, as one saying, "God said, 'Let there be lips', and there were. And they were good."

"THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW?!" Buffy whispered emphatically. "You brought me to a midnight showing of the Rocky Horror Picture Show."

            "Quiet pet… Relax," Spike whispered back. Buffy huffed but sat back. The people around her started to shout lines at the movie. "Here!" Spike put a handful of rice of rice in Buffy's palm. He promptly threw rice in the air during the wedding scene. Buffy just stared at him. 

            Spike just laughed at the whole thing and soon yelled at the screen too. "I always laugh at funerals!" He then turned to Buffy to say, "More funny for me since I am a vampire."

            Janet and Brad are coming up on the castle. "Get your water pistol," Spike instructed. Suddenly Buffy's hair was wet from other people spraying water.

            She glared at him, "Everyone else is wearing little newspaper hats."

            "I've never known you to be scared of rain," he said as he got out his lighter to light it and extinguish it at appropriate times. 

Riff Raff and Magenta open the doors to the ballroom in the movie and suddenly everyone in the theatre stood up and started to dance, singing, 'Lets do the time warp again.' Spike smiled big and helped Buffy through the steps. 

            True to form the 'Virgins' to the movie were dragged on stage by die-hard fan and made to dance in front of the rest of the moviegoers. "Thank you," Buffy said urgently to her partner.

            "You're welcome."

People started to settle back into their seats and Spike was obviously having a blast so for once Buffy decided just to let go and have fun. Spike leaned over and said, "Ya know this was one of Giles's favorite movies?" 

"No…" she said shocked.

"Yep… Knows the whole thing… I think it's a British thing for him…either that or he's repressing some serious Ripper action… I've even heard him sing some of it."

"Like what?" she asked innocently.

Tim Curry entered the scene singing Sweet Transvestite. "Like that…" Spike said nonchalantly. "He's good at it too."

Buffy's eyes went big. "That's the outfit you were going to wear," she whispered.

"Yes… But I'm dressed like that guy," he said pointing to the right at Riff Raff. 

"Who am I dressed like?" she asked quietly.

"You'll see later."

"Is that Susan Sarandon?" Buffy inquired just realizing who the annoying Janet was.

"Yes… it is."

"Giles doesn't really like this movie does he?" she asked like a little kid. 

"I've seen the pictures of when he played Dr. Frank N Furter in London," Spike stated.

"NO… NO… It's not possible."

"He had a life before Sunnydale," he said quietly. 

Further into the movie Susan Sarandon started to sing 'toucha, toucha, toucha me' and it suddenly dawned on Buffy the little bra and slip combo she was in looked a lot like the outfit the actress was in. "This is what you dressed me like?" she fussed.

"I gave you a raincoat, didn't I?" Spike retorted. She laughed as he raised his eyebrows at her while the audience was chanting "Up…Down…Up…Down."

Buffy got accustomed to people throwing things, yelling, singing, and dancing at different parts. "Get the toast," Spike suddenly instructed.

"Okay."

She handed it to him. "Toss it at the screen, luv."

"I can't."

"Sure you can," he said took a slice and tossed it up. She tentatively followed suit finding the action incredibly silly and fun. She started laughing hard as he beamed at her. "Told you you'd have fun." Buffy settled in a snuggled into Spike's shoulder. 

During the cards scene Buffy without prompting followed the audience in their throwing of every imaginable type of card. She flexed her deck of cards like a game of 52 pick up sending them flying. Spike was so proud he kissed her, strange as it might sound. 

The movie ended and Buffy stood up wearily. "So pet? What's the verdict? Am I dust?" Spike asked simply.

Buffy just laughed, "No… You were right. I had fun... Most of what was yelled was really crude but what can I expect, I came with you. Thank you for not yelling along with all of it."

"Not a problem pet… Now we go return this," he said tugging at the suit. 

She took his hand and said, "Definitely the most creative date I've been on."

"More creative than Angel's empty ice skating rink?" he asked.

Buffy stopped in the parking lot and stared at him. "How do you know about that?" 

"I could say it's because I'm the one that sent the assassins after you… but the truth is Angel told me about it while I was in LA."

"What else did you discuss?" she asked batting her eyes.

"Oh we had a fun night of drinking our Buffy sorrows away," he stated. "I think Peaches still has a headache."

"You both were drinking…"

"Yup… He still has his Buffy box under his bed. Mine got tossed when I moved out of the crypt…or maybe its still in the basement…" he said absent mindedly. 

"Buffy box?" she asked.

"Oh yeah… The box with the pictures and mementos you're too stupid to throw away and torture self with on nights when old drinking buddies are in town," Spike explained. "I bet you still have an Angel box."

Buffy went to deny it but Spike raised his hand. "It's fine if you do. First love and all… Just thought I'd point out we aren't the only losers."

She tugged him to the car and got inside. "One day you will tell me all about the parts of your visit I don't know about."

"I thought that's what we were doing," Spike answered.

"Okay… Then does Angel have a thing for Cordelia?" Buffy asked like a true teenage girl.

"Ask Gunn. I'm not there everyday."

"But you were not terribly long ago," she insisted.

Spike smirked at her, "I was a little busy pet…trying to put the pieces of my heart back together."

"Right," she nodded her head. "And those hours of drinking didn't turn up any new romances on his front."

"Persistent aren't you," he joked.

"I learned from the best," she said leaning her head on his shoulder. 

Spike switched to driving only with his left hand on the wheel, so he could pull Buffy closer to him and keep his arm around her. "Love you pet," he whispered kissing her forehead.

"Love you too," she yawned. 

"Lois can wait to have the costumes," he whispered as she smiled and snuggled further into his arm. 

Spike carried a sleeping Buffy in through the backdoor. Dawn heard the backdoor open and came to investigate. She snuck over to the basement door. "Spike?" she called.

"You still up Bit?" he asked as she came down the stairs.

"Woke up when you came in…Nice suit." 

"Didn't take it back yet," he glared.

"She like it," Dawn inquired.

"Yeah…she did."

"Good… Did you tell her?" she pressed.

"No… But I will."

"Yeah just before sunrise… I'll be woken up by the commotion… You tell her!" Dawn poked her best friend in the chest. 

"Yes ma'am," Spike saluted.

"Alright… Night."

"Night Bit."

Buffy vaguely heard some of the conversation and was awake enough to understand Spike was stalling on talking to her about something. She also realized she was curled up on Spike's couch in his little living room. He walked passed her to get to the refrigerator. "Spike?" she called sleepily. 

"Hi pet… You want something to eat… or drink…" he asked. 

"I'd like to change."

He wrinkled his brow, "One of my t-shirts and some shorts?"

"Sure," she agreed.

He stepped into his bedroom for a moment. "Here you go," he said after returning to the living room with some clothes for her. "Bathroom…" he sort of pointed. 

Buffy was too tired to over-think things so she just took off the rain coat and threw the shirt over her head then put the shorts on. She pulled the slip over the shorts and undid her bra from the inside of the t-shirt snaking it out through the arm. 

Spike just watched transfixed. He had seen Buffy naked of course. He'd even slept with her a few months back but… well… they hadn't been seeing each other in skivvies since. Buffy yawned stretching her whole body with it. Spike wet his lips while watching her chest thrust forward. "I'm going to… a… change," he said escaping back into his bedroom proper. 

"Do you just want to go to bed?" she asked sleepily. "I'm really tired… too much fun for one night."

"Um…" he paused thinking wildly of what to do. He was far too aroused to take her to bed in his present condition. "Some TV first pet… I normally watch TV before bed."

"Oh… Okay," she yawned again and went to the bathroom.

Spike came out in a t-shirt and boxers. This had become his standard sleep garb living with the Summers women. He did his best to remember to put clothes on…but old habits die-hard. Buffy was leaning against one of the sofa arms being practically swallowed in his t-shirt. He cautiously sat next to her. She smiled and turned toward him. "Spike shaped pillow," she said as she turned to snuggle into his chest. 

"Maybe we should just go to bed," he whispered a little out of breath. 

"Okay… but I want to keep my Spike shaped pillow," she warned.

"One Spike shaped pillow coming up," he said gathering Buffy in his arms and carrying her to his bed. He laid her down then got in himself. 

Buffy slipped under one of his arms and used his chest as her pillow for the evening. "Spike smell," she muttered sniffing his t-shirt.

"Well it is on Spike," he stated.

She blinked up at him. "It's a nice smell… like being this close," she said hugging him around the middle. "Love you."

"Love you sweetness."

"In the morning you'll have to tell me what you and Dawn were whispering about," she mumbled.

"In the morning," he promised staring at the ceiling. It was going to be a very long night.

TBC…


	4. Dreams

Title: Dreams

Name: Joy        

Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com

            When Buffy was completely asleep and in sleep paralysis, Spike put a pillow under Buffy's head and got out of bed. He began to pace back and forth. How was he going to explain this? He'd run out of time. Some time is the next few hours he was going to have to lay out for Buffy why he'd been acting like a basket case. Maybe she would just wake up and instantly know. Maybe it would dawn upon her and they could mourn together. He knew he would never be that fortunate. 

            Spike stormed into his little living room and began to chain spoke. This went on for at least an hour… lots of non-thoughts and cigarette butts later. Two more anti-anxiety pills washed down with bourbon…a severe no-no. 

Running his hands over his face and into his hair he decided maybe if he wrote down what he felt it would be easier to get it said out loud. Spike grabbed his journal and started to write…

"Buffy,

You have no idea how stupid and weak I feel right now… I keep oscillating between exhilaration that you're beside me and the terror of you not being there anymore. The demon is winning and I know it…that's what scares me most to all. It rages inside me when I'm with you and when I'm away from you…"

            He stopped and flipped through the book. He had it for a couple years now. Spike always had been a word person so it wasn't surprising to find that he liked to journal. He stopped at an entry that resonated with him that evening or early morning. "There are only two places in the world…where she is and where she's not. She's not here and that is a far worse hell then any I will face after I'm dust." Spike dog eared the page and continued to search through his writings.

            "I was a man for a few weeks this year… I had no heartbeat. I had no warmth. But I was a man because she made it so…and now I am a corpse in every sense. If anyone ever tells me I didn't love that woman they didn't know me then…and they don't know me now…" 

"I live for Dawn. Nothing else in my sorry existence matters but that small mite of a girl. I realized this week I don't love her by default…nor do I love Joyce because she is her mother. I love them because they are all cut from the same cloth. I wish I knew Joyce's maiden name… It seems wrong to say I loved them because they were Summers women. Truth is what I love about them they got from their mum… Who knows? If things had been different maybe I would have tried to court Joyce if I met her as a college student…and I wasn't so much the Big Bad… Such a stupid line of thought but still, maybe."

Spike laughed at his own comments. What a git he turned into…not that he really minded these days, but still. 

"Spike? SPIKE!" Buffy yelled from his bedroom.

He made a mad dash to be at her side. In seconds he had her whole body curled up in his lap. "What's wrong love?" he whispered kissing her lips then forehead.

She was gasping for air. "My… My coffin…" she croaked pitifully. 

Spike tightened his grip on her. "I'm sorry luv…I'm so sorry. I should have been here."

"You were…sort of."

"Huh?" he said leaning back from her pushing her hair behind her ears.

"In my dream you were there… to clear away the dirt. You had my hand…" she snuggled into his chest again. "But I couldn't hold you… The coffin fell out from under me into this black pit… And you were trying to save me… All I could see was the terror and pain on your face watching me die again."

"It's my worst fear," he whispered. 

She was sitting on his lap trying to relax. "Your worst fear is me being swallowed by death?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," he said tightening his grip on her. "I can't lose you again…"

"Spike, why have you been acting so weird?" Buffy said sweetly.

"Do you know what day today is?" Spike answered.

"I'd say Saturday but I have a feeling that's the wrong answer," she whispered lacing her fingers together with his. 

He pulled back to look in her beautiful face and said, "Today is the day you died…" Buffy's face slightly contorted. "This is the day…Right about now is when I failed you and got thrown from the tower. In a few minutes it will be the moment you jumped. In the minutes after that it will be when Dawn climbed down and gathered me into her arms as I rocked back and forth praying for the first time in I don't know how many years that God would be gracious enough to let me spend eternity in hell as long as you lived." She just stared at him as he cried silent tears and spoke. 

"Right then is when I wanted nothing more then to stand up in the morning rays and turn to dust." Spike just stared at nothing. "She got me and shook me and told me I couldn't leave her. I wasn't allowed to leave her too. I was the only one that understood. I was the only one who she knew loved her as much as you did… And then I remembered my promise and I had to live. I couldn't fail you again. I couldn't leave her."

Buffy was crying too by the time Spike started to abstractly talk about Dawn. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for not leaving… Thank you for being here when I got back."

His face grimaced in pain and anguish. He cried for her and all she lost. He cried for Nibblet and the sorrow that encompassed her. He cried for Scoobies and what the loose of Buffy had done to each of them. Finally he cried for himself and the love he saw buried in the ground…the ground she was never meant to be in. 

Buffy started kissing Spike's vampire ridges that kept slipping on and off his face. Eventually she took his face in her hands and looked him in the eye. "If you need to be vamped right now…don't try to suppress it," she said lovingly.

Spike stared at her and stopped fighting his demon. She was looking at him with such love despite his yellow eyes, fangs and ridged forehead. "Ya know, your ridges strain your scare," she said delicately running her fingers over the scar in his eyebrow before playing them over his bumpy forehead. Buffy looked into his yellow eyes and kissed his nose. "Those are more golden than other vampires I've seen."

"Darker than Angel's?" he asked quickly.

She glanced at him wearily, "I don't remember… I haven't been in close quarters with the guy in a long while. Especially close enough to see what he looks like vamped out." 

Her voice comforted Spike in ways she could never comprehend. His visage slipped away as he rubbed his face to hers. She looked down at him with such sweetness that he was lost. His hands cupped her cheeks and he kissed her slowly…thoroughly. Buffy groaned a little at the attention. He was being swallowed by her heat and for the first time since they got back from LA he didn't care.

Buffy pulled back to catch her breath only to have Spike pull back and begin to pull into himself. "Don't," she whispered. "Don't run, please."

His blue eyes met her hazel, "It's too much Buffy… I can't right now. I can't control what I would do."

"Why do you need to?" she asked.

Spike's eyes glowed yellow for a second, "Because despite the pain of losing you we could start…I could bite you… I don't know if I'd stop and I don't think I could take you punching me after we made love again."

"You want to make love to me?" Buffy whispered.

He stroked her cheek, "It's all I've ever wanted to do with you."

Buffy was on him in seconds pushing him back toward the bed. At first Spike just let her lead him down and let her devour him, but when her fingers started to slipped inside his boxers, he moved away from her quickly. "I can't," he stated.

"Now I can see that isn't true," she smirked.

"Stop please."

"Why?" she asked moving closer to him. "Why stop tonight? Isn't right now when we should celebrate the fact that I am alive the most? Shouldn't these be the moments we make the most of?"

"NO!" he snapped. 

Spike got to his feet and stared at her. "You don't get it… You don't understand how badly I need you to be alive. You don't know what lengths I've been ready to go to ensure your safety!" he yelled.

"Then TELL ME!" she yelled back.

Upstairs Dawn woke to the shouting in the basement. "I knew it would happen… I warned him. He didn't listen," she mumbled putting a pillow over her head.

Spike paced the bedroom back and forth as Buffy watched him like he were a caged tiger. "Out with it! What lengths are you willing to go to make me safe? Wrap me in bubble wrap? Go patrolling for me every night? End the world so it will be over so I can go back to heaven? WHAT?"

His fangs descended and his eyes glowed yellow, "I've gotten in my car a few times now to head back to LA to kill the other slayer." Buffy stared at him absolute confusion and a bit of horror. "Not expecting that?"

"NO," she admitted.

"If she's gone then you can be done. Someone else can be responsible for the Hellmouth. Your turn will be up. You could go back to college. You could live a relatively normal life. No more patrols. No more apocalypses. No more death… Just a life."

"Spike," she whispered seeing the pain he was in.

"Do you understand what it does to me every time you're late coming home? Do you know what its like to see a vampire get too close or some nasties try to take a bite out of you? I WATCHED YOU DIE! NOTHING CAN EVER REMOVE THAT FROM MY MEMORY!" he shouted.

Buffy slowly began to invade his personal space gently wrapping her arms around his middle. "Do you remember the night I woke up?" she whispered.

"Of course… Everything in me ached and hurt. The pain was unbearable."

"But you bore it…for me. You made me feel loved. You were quiet and gentle, not loud and overwhelming," she whispered pressing her cheek into his chest.

Spike sighed out his anger and frustration, relishing this feeling of softness. He ran his hand down her head and through her hair. "I'm glad," he answered quietly.

"You understood… you tried to meet me where I was at rather then demanding I be back to what I was. I felt safe," she looked into his eyes. "There aren't a whole helluva lot of times I've felt safe when I'm with another person." His eyes clouded for a moment. "And before you say it…yeah there was a time Angel could do that for me…but that was fleeting. I could never really feel safe with him after… well after… Feeling safe on earth after being in heaven is a huge deal."

Spike sat back down on the bed obviously scared and tired. "I can't lose you again pet."

She gave him a sad smile, "I hate to tell you but I am still mortal, with no desire to get vamped. I am going to die sometime… You can't stop nature."

He looked her is the eye and said, "Then give me permission to end mine when you do."

"Spike," she groaned. 

"They can't bring you back again… This is it. Third time's the charm. I can't do it again," he said sadly. 

Buffy sighed deeply. An idea formed somewhere in her brain that gave her an out, "Not until you find away to be with me where ever I am after this."

"I'm a demon," he stated simply.

"You've been seeking redemption… Now you have a focus. I die tomorrow you can't end things until you know you'll be with me."

"Well that is just a strange twist of events…" he muttered and looked at his shoes.

TBC…


End file.
